Welcome to Sikhism: Marriage and the Family
In this chapter, we are going to explore how Sikhs view some of the most important parts of life: falling in love, getting married, and raising a family. For Sikhs, being part of a family is not just a social thing—it is a spiritual path. This section is part of your Paper 1 (Area of Study 1) exam. We will look at what the Guru Granth Sahib (the Sikh holy book) and the Rahit Maryada (the Sikh Code of Conduct) say about these topics.
2.1 The Importance and Purpose of Marriage
In Sikhism, marriage is known as Anand Karaj, which means "Ceremony of Bliss." It is much more than a legal contract between two people; it is seen as a spiritual union.
Key Teachings:
- Spiritual Union: Sikhs believe that marriage is the merging of two souls. The Guru Granth Sahib (p. 788) teaches that "They are not said to be husband and wife who merely sit together. Rather they alone are called husband and wife, who have one spirit in two bodies."
- Griasthi: This is the "householder" stage of life. Sikhism teaches that you don't need to live alone in a cave to be holy. Being a good husband or wife and raising a family is the best way to serve God.
- Commitment: Marriage should be for life and is usually arranged with the help of the family, though the consent of both individuals is essential.
Key Takeaway: Marriage is a spiritual journey where two people help each other reach God.
2.2 Sexual Relationships
Sikhs believe that sex is a natural part of life, but it must be kept within the boundaries of marriage. This is to ensure that the relationship is based on love and commitment, rather than just lust (Kam), which is seen as a distraction from God.
Teachings on Sex:
- Chastity: Sikhs are expected to remain chaste before marriage and faithful to their partner after marriage. The Rahit Maryada (Chapter 11) states that a Sikh should not have a relationship with anyone other than their spouse.
- Self-Control: Sexual desire is one of the five "thieves" (vices) that can lead people away from God if it isn't controlled.
Divergent Views: Many Humanists and Atheists believe that as long as two consenting adults are in a loving relationship, pre-marital sex is acceptable. Sikhs generally disagree with this because they believe the spiritual bond of marriage is the only correct setting for intimacy.
2.3 The Purpose and Importance of the Family
The family is the basic unit of the Sikh community (the Panth). It is where children learn about their faith, language, and the concept of Sewa (selfless service).
Types of Family:
- Nuclear Family: Parents and children living together.
- Extended Family: This is very common in Sikh culture. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins often live together or very close by. This provides a strong support network.
Role of the Family: The family's job is to provide a stable environment for children to grow up as "Gurmuhk" (God-centered) individuals. The Guru Granth Sahib emphasizes the duty of children to respect their parents as they were the ones who gave them life and guidance.
2.4 Support for the Family in the Community
Sikh families are never alone because they have the support of the Sangat (the holy congregation) and the Gurdwara.
How the Gurdwara helps:
- Langar: The free kitchen ensures no family goes hungry. It also teaches children equality and service.
- Education: Most Gurdwaras run "Punjabi Schools" to help children learn the language of the scriptures and their history.
- Rites of Passage: The community celebrates births (naming ceremonies) and marriages together, providing a sense of belonging.
Quick Review: The Sangat acts like a massive extended family for every Sikh.
2.5 Family Planning and Contraception
The Guru Granth Sahib does not explicitly mention contraception. Because of this, Sikhs use their own judgment based on Sikh principles.
Points of View:
- Acceptance: Most Sikhs accept the use of contraception. They believe that if a family cannot afford to support many children, it is responsible to use family planning.
- Duty: Some Sikhs might argue that children are a gift from God, and one should not interfere with God's will. However, this is a minority view.
- Non-religious views: Humanists strongly support the use of contraception as it promotes women's rights and prevents overpopulation. Sikhs generally agree with the practical benefits of family planning but focus more on the responsibility of the parents.
2.6 Divorce and Remarriage
Since marriage is a spiritual bond made in the presence of the Guru Granth Sahib, divorce is generally discouraged. However, Sikhism is a practical religion and recognizes that sometimes marriages fail.
Key Rules:
- Last Resort: Divorce should only happen if there are extreme circumstances, such as cruelty or desertion.
- Rahit Maryada: The Sikh Code of Conduct allows for remarriage. It states that if a person's spouse dies or if a divorce is necessary, they are free to marry again in a Gurdwara ceremony.
- Civil Divorce: In the UK, Sikhs must get a legal civil divorce through the courts before they can remarry.
Don't worry if this seems tricky: Just remember that while the ideal is a lifelong marriage, Sikhism shows compassion to those whose marriages have ended.
2.7 Equality of Men and Women in the Family
Sikhism was revolutionary because it taught that men and women are 100% equal in the eyes of God. This equality should be reflected inside the home.
Teachings on Equality:
- Guru Nanak: The founder of Sikhism famously said: "From her, kings are born. How can she be called bad?" (GGS 473). This was a direct challenge to the idea that women were inferior.
- Shared Roles: There are no specific "men's jobs" or "women's jobs" in Sikhism. Both can lead prayers in the Gurdwara and both should contribute to the home.
2.8 Gender Prejudice and Discrimination
Despite the clear teachings of the Gurus, some cultural prejudice still exists in the Sikh community (just as it does in most cultures). However, the religion itself is strictly against discrimination.
Religious vs. Cultural:
- Religious view: All are one. The Mool Mantar teaches that God is without fear and without hate; therefore, humans should not hate or discriminate based on gender.
- Historical Example: Mai Bhago was a famous female Sikh warrior who led men into battle. This proves that women have always been seen as capable and strong in Sikhism.
- Atheist/Humanist views: Non-religious people also strongly support gender equality, often basing it on human rights and logic. Sikhs agree with this but add that equality is a divine command from God.
Study Tip: The "Evaluate" Question
In your exam, you might get a 12-mark question like: "Marriage is the most important part of a Sikh's life." Evaluate this statement.
To answer this well, you should:
- Argue FOR: Mention the concept of Griasthi (householder) and the spiritual union of Anand Karaj.
- Argue AGAINST: Mention that while marriage is important, Sewa (service) and Nam Japna (meditation on God) are the ultimate goals. A person can be holy without being married, though it is rare in Sikhism.
- Use a Source: Quote the "one spirit in two bodies" teaching (GGS 788).
- Reach a Conclusion: Is it the most important? Or is it just one way to reach God?