Welcome to the Psychology of Relationships!
Ever wondered why we find certain people attractive, why some couples stay together for decades while others split up after weeks, or why some people feel a deep "connection" to a celebrity they’ve never met? That is exactly what we are going to explore. This chapter is part of the "Issues and options in Psychology" section of your AQA A Level. We’ll break down the theories of how relationships start, how they are maintained, and how they end.
Don't worry if some of the theories seem a bit clinical at first—we'll use plenty of real-world examples to make them stick!
1. Factors Affecting Attraction
Why do we like who we like? Psychologists have identified three main factors that act as the "spark" for a romantic relationship.
A. Self-Disclosure
This is the process of revealing personal information about yourself to another person. It’s like peeling an onion!
Social Penetration Theory: At the start of a relationship, we share "surface-level" information (like our favorite movies). As the relationship grows, we share "inner-core" information (like our deepest fears or secrets). For this to work, it must be reciprocal—if you tell someone a secret, they should share one back to build trust.
Example: Telling a new friend where you go to school is low-level disclosure. Telling them about a time you felt really lonely is high-level disclosure.
B. Physical Attractiveness
We might like to think we aren't shallow, but research shows physical looks matter.
The Halo Effect: This is a "cognitive bias" where we assume that because someone is good-looking, they must also have other positive traits, like being kind or intelligent.
The Matching Hypothesis: We don't always go for the most attractive person possible. Instead, we tend to choose partners who are a "match" for our own level of social desirability (attractiveness). This helps avoid the fear of rejection!
C. Filter Theory
Think of this as a funnel. We start with a huge field of potential partners and "filter" them down using three levels:
1. Social Demography: We are more likely to meet and date people who live near us, go to the same school, or share our social class.
2. Similarity in Attitudes: Once we meet, we filter for people who share our values and beliefs (e.g., views on career or family).
3. Complementarity: In long-term relationships, we like people who have traits we lack. If one partner is a "provider" and the other likes being "looked after," they complement each other.
Quick Review:
- Self-disclosure needs to be reciprocal.
- Matching Hypothesis says we pick people like us in looks.
- Filter Theory uses 1) Demographics, 2) Similarity, and 3) Complementarity.
Key Takeaway: Attraction isn't just "luck"—it's a process of filtering and sharing that builds a bridge between two people.
2. Theories of Romantic Relationships
Once a relationship starts, why does it continue? These theories look at the "mechanics" of staying together.
Social Exchange Theory (SET)
This theory suggests we treat relationships like a business deal. We want to maximize rewards (company, sex, emotional support) and minimize costs (time, arguments, money).
- Profit: When rewards outweigh costs.
- Comparison Level (CL): What we think we deserve based on past experiences.
- Comparison Level for Alternatives (CLalt): Would I be happier with someone else or by myself?
Equity Theory
SET says we want "profit," but Equity Theory says we want fairness. If one person does all the housework and gives all the emotional support while the other does nothing, the relationship is inequitable.
- Over-benefitted: May feel guilt or shame.
- Under-benefitted: Likely to feel anger or resentment.
Rusbult’s Investment Model
Why do people stay in unhappy relationships? Rusbult says commitment depends on three things:
1. Satisfaction: Are the rewards high?
2. Comparison with Alternatives: Is there anyone better out there?
3. Investment: This is the "secret ingredient." It’s what you’ve put into the relationship that you’d lose if it ended (e.g., a house, children, shared friends, or years of time).
Duck’s Phase Model of Relationship Breakdown
Breaking up isn't a single event; it's a process. Steve Duck identified four phases:
1. Intra-psychic Phase: "I can't stand this anymore." You think about the problems privately.
2. Dyadic Phase: "I am justified in withdrawing." You actually talk to your partner about the problems. Expect arguments!
3. Social Phase: "I mean it." You tell your friends and family. The breakup becomes public.
4. Grave-Dressing Phase: "It's now inevitable." You create a "story" of the relationship’s end that makes you look good for future partners.
Memory Aid: To remember Duck's phases, think I (Intra-psychic) Don't Stay Gone (Dyadic, Social, Grave-dressing).
Key Takeaway: We stay in relationships because they are fair and we’ve invested too much to leave, but we leave through a specific series of social and private steps.
3. Online Relationships (Virtual Social Relationships)
The internet has changed everything! Psychology looks at how self-disclosure differs when we aren't face-to-face.
Self-disclosure in virtual relationships:
- Reduced Cues Theory: Some think online is worse because we lack physical cues (tone of voice, facial expressions), leading to "de-individuation" and blunt communication.
- The Hyper-personal Model: Alternatively, we might disclose more online because we can edit what we say to look our best (selective self-presentation) and feel more anonymous.
Absence of Gating:
In real life, "gates" like physical unattractiveness, a stammer, or social anxiety might stop a relationship from starting. Online, these gates are absent. This allows people to connect based on who they are inside rather than how they look.
Common Mistake to Avoid: Don't assume online relationships are always "fake." Research often shows they can be just as strong, or even stronger, than face-to-face ones due to the absence of gating!
4. Parasocial Relationships
A parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship where one person (usually a fan) spends a lot of emotional energy on a "celebrity" who doesn't even know they exist.
Levels of Parasocial Relationships
Psychologists use the Celebrity Attitude Scale to identify three levels:
1. Entertainment-Social: Watching a celebrity for fun and talking about them with friends. (The most common level).
2. Intense-Personal: Having strong feelings for the celebrity (e.g., "They are my soulmate").
3. Borderline-Pathological: Uncontrollable fantasies and extreme behaviors (e.g., spending thousands on a used tissue they touched or stalking them).
Why do they happen?
1. The Absorption-Addiction Model:
- Absorption: Someone with a dissatisfied life "absorbs" themselves in a celebrity's life to escape reality.
- Addiction: Just like a drug, the fan needs more and more involvement to feel the same "high," leading to extreme behaviors.
2. The Attachment Theory Explanation:
People with an Insecure-resistant attachment type are most likely to form parasocial relationships. Why? Because they crave intimacy but fear the rejection that comes with real-life dating. A celebrity can't reject you!
Did you know? Parasocial relationships aren't just for pop stars. People form them with YouTubers, fictional characters, and even news anchors!
Quick Review:
- Virtual: Absence of gating helps shy people.
- Parasocial: Levels go from Social -> Intense -> Pathological.
- Insecure-resistant types use celebrities to avoid real-life rejection.
Final Encouragement: You've made it through the Relationships chapter! Remember to focus on the evaluations (strengths and weaknesses) of these theories when you write your essays. You've got this!