Welcome to Buddhism: Marriage and the Family
In this chapter, we are going to explore how Buddhists view some of the most important parts of life: love, marriage, having children, and how we treat one another. Buddhism is quite unique because, unlike many other religions, it doesn't see marriage as a religious "command" or a "sacrament" from God. Instead, it’s about how to live happily and reduce suffering in our everyday lives.
2.1 The Importance and Purpose of Marriage
In Buddhism, marriage is seen as a secular (non-religious) custom rather than a religious duty. There is no requirement in Buddhist scripture that people must get married. Instead, it is a personal choice between two people who want to support each other on their path to Enlightenment.
The main purpose of marriage is to provide a stable environment for partners to practice Metta (loving-kindness) and to help each other follow the Five Precepts. While monks and nuns choose to be celibate (no sex or marriage), lay Buddhists (ordinary people) see marriage as a way to find social and emotional stability.
Source of Wisdom: The Sigalovada Sutta
In the Sigalovada Sutta, the Buddha gave advice on how husbands and wives should treat each other. He taught that a husband should respect his wife, be faithful, and give her authority in the home. In return, a wife should be industrious, hospitable to their kin, and faithful. This shows that marriage is based on mutual respect and duty.
Divergent Views
Humanist and Atheist views: Like Buddhists, Humanists see marriage as a human institution, not a divine one. They believe the purpose of marriage is for the happiness and commitment of the couple, and it should be based on consent and equality.
Quick Review: Marriage is a choice, not a religious law. Its goal is to create a stable, loving environment for the couple.
2.2 Sexual Relationships
Buddhists believe that sex is a natural part of human life, but it must be practiced responsibly. The most important teaching here is the Third Precept: to avoid sexual misconduct.
What counts as "misconduct"? Generally, anything that causes Dukkha (suffering) or involve exploitation, such as adultery or non-consensual sex. Most Buddhists believe sex should happen within a committed relationship because it involves a deep emotional connection.
Divergent Views
Same-sex relationships: Most modern Western Buddhists are very accepting of same-sex relationships, focusing on the intention (Metta) behind the act rather than the gender of the people. However, some traditional Buddhist cultures may be more conservative. Humanists strongly support LGBTQ+ rights, arguing that as long as there is consent and no harm, the gender of the partners does not matter.
2.3 The Purpose and Importance of the Family
The family is the basic unit of society. For Buddhists, the family is the "first school" where children learn the Dhamma (the Buddha's teachings) and how to develop Karuna (compassion).
In the 21st century, Buddhists recognize many types of families:
• Nuclear family: Parents and children.
• Extended family: Including grandparents, aunts, and uncles.
• Single-parent families and Same-sex parent families.
Source of Wisdom: The Sigalovada Sutta
The Buddha taught that children have a duty to look after their parents in old age, as their parents looked after them. Parents have a duty to keep children away from evil, provide them with an education, and help them find a suitable spouse. This creates a cycle of care.
2.4 Support for the Family in the Community
The local Buddhist community, or Sangha (specifically the community of monks and laypeople), provides support for families in several ways:
• Viharas (Temples): Families go here to meditate and learn the Dhamma.
• Festivals: Events like Wesak bring families together to celebrate.
• Advice: Monks may offer guidance on how to apply Buddhist ethics to family problems.
• Rites of Passage: While marriage isn't a religious ceremony, many couples go to a temple after their legal ceremony to receive a blessing from the monks.
2.5 Family Planning and Contraception
Most Buddhists accept contraception (family planning). The logic is that it is better to prevent conception than to bring a child into a situation where they cannot be cared for, which would lead to more Dukkha (suffering).
The main concern for Buddhists is when life begins. Most believe life begins at conception. Therefore:
• Acceptable: Methods that prevent the sperm and egg from meeting (like condoms).
• Controversial: Methods that might work after conception (abortifacients), as this might break the First Precept (to avoid killing living beings).
Non-Religious Views
Humanists and Atheists generally support the use of contraception as a way to ensure every child is wanted and to protect the health and career choices of women.
2.6 Divorce and Remarriage
Buddhism teaches Anicca (impermanence)—the idea that everything changes. Sometimes, despite people's best efforts, a marriage fails.
• Divorce: Is permitted. If staying together causes constant anger and suffering, it may be more compassionate to separate.
• Remarriage: Is perfectly acceptable. There is no religious "stigma" attached to marrying again.
Key Takeaway: While Buddhists try to keep marriages together using patience and Metta, they recognize that sometimes divorce is the path of least suffering.
2.7 Equality of Men and Women in the Family
The Buddha taught that both men and women have the same spiritual potential. Everyone has Buddha-nature (the potential to become enlightened).
In the family, Buddhism encourages a partnership. While traditional cultures might have seen the man as the "head" of the house, the core teachings suggest that since both can reach Nirvana, they should be treated as equals.
Source of Wisdom: The Lotus Sutta
In the Lotus Sutta (a Mahayana text), it is taught that there is no difference between the spiritual capacity of men and women. This supports the idea of full gender equality.
2.8 Gender Prejudice and Discrimination
Prejudice (thinking someone is less) and discrimination (acting on that thought) are seen as "unskilful" behaviors that lead to bad Karma. They are rooted in ignorance.
The Metta Sutta teaches that we should show loving-kindness to all beings, without exception. This means:
• Discriminating against someone because of their gender is a violation of Metta.
• Buddhists should work towards a society where everyone is treated fairly.
Divergent Views
Despite these teachings, there have been historical inequalities. For example, in the Theravada tradition, it was traditionally harder for women to be fully ordained as Bhikkhunis (nuns) compared to men. However, many modern Buddhist groups are working hard to change this and restore full ordination for women.
Common Mistake to Avoid: Don't say "Buddhists are against divorce." They aren't! They prefer people to stay together, but they value compassion over strict rules.
Exam Practice Tips
For your (c) question (5 marks), remember you must refer to a source of authority.
Example: "Explain Buddhist teachings about the family. Refer to a source of wisdom and authority in your answer."
Your Answer: You could explain that families are where children learn the Dhamma. You would then mention the Sigalovada Sutta, explaining that it outlines the duties of parents to guide their children and the duties of children to respect their parents.
For your (d) question (12 marks), you need to show "on the one hand" and "on the other hand."
Example: "Marriage is the most important part of a Buddhist's life."
Arguments for: It provides a stable home, follows the advice in the Sigalovada Sutta, and helps people practice the Precepts.
Arguments against: Marriage is secular (not religious); the Buddha himself left his family to find Enlightenment; for monks and nuns, not being married is more important for spiritual progress.